The One Time Sean Cassidy Wasn't High
by Dana Lise
Summary: Well, this story is complete crack! I swear it's some of the weirdest stuff I've writen,pretty much all the past/future versions of the X-Men all end up meeting through some time vortex they all got sucked into. Story is better than summary, Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Ok, don't hate me but I've been dying to make a crack fic lately, and so the following shtuff is gonna be really fucking weird. Like…really, so if you can't handle my weird parings and nonsense plot, then I wouldn't blame you. I've just been dying to be an idiot and make this stuff happen, it's all due to my RP with my friend Raven…no, not Mystique. That'd be tight, lol. Ok, onwards!

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"What do you mean 'all the future and past generations are coming together'." Erik and Charles said, looking quite warily at the clearly stoned Sean Cassidy.

"I'm serious! Something happened and now all of our time has been jumbled into one huge happening! IT'S THE APOCOLYPSE!" Sean practically shouted in their ears, "You're high aren't you." Erik said to the Irish boy currently looking around with the ghost of a crazy rampage running through his mind. "It's alright Sean, you are amongst friends, you can tell us, and I promise we won't judge you." The ever calm Charles stated while he tried to console the teen.

"Let the record show that it was Charles that said that, I promise /to/ judge you." Erik said, an ever present smirk plastered on his face. Charles shot him one of his infamous looks, although unlike the glare he usually wore when disappointed, this one was much worse for Erik, it was the 'no sex for a week' look. "If you don't believe me, then how do you explain /that/?" Sean said as he pointed behind the couple. Turning around Charles and Erik were faced with what looked like an old guy in a wheelchair and a next to him stood a stranger old man with a helmet of sorts on.

"The fuck is happening!" Sean shouted once more, Charles sighed and looked at the pair in front of them, "Hello, I'm sorry but what are your names?" The older man in the wheelchair smiled "My name is Charles Xavier, but the children refer to me as Professor X." _But I'm sure you know that, you are me after all. _Charles blanched at the voice that suddenly appeared in his head, he was at a loss for words. It was Erik's turn to inspect the man that stood before him, "Don't bother," the elder man said, with a flick of his wrist he sent the metal bolts in the door flying to the other side of the room where they floated for a moment in front of Erik's astonished face before dropping to the floors, "That answer your questions?" The two men looked at eachother and at the men in front of them… "Isn't this going to create some sort of paradox?" Erik asked. "No…for the sake of this fan fiction, that's not gonna happen." A voice that descended from the sky's said.

"Okay then…What exactly is going on here?" Alex said as he walked down the stairs, which were now crowded with several students he had never seen before in his life. Looking around he saw that the mansion was split down the middle; things weren't really adding up right now…that's when he saw Sean.

"I swear on the river Styx, if you slipped something in my drink last night or put pot in those brownies I'll blast you into a pile of ash Cassidy." He said in a somewhat menacing tone as he grabbed the younger boy by the collar of his shirt. Poor Sean, it really wasn't his day. "Chill man, chill I had nothing to do with this!" He raised his hands up in a sad attempt at defense.

"If it wasn't you, then what the hell hap-" Alex was cut off as someone smacked into him, clearly not paying attention, he bent to help the brunette pick up his books he had sent falling to the floor. Seeing his chance, Sean fled. Looking back up Alex saw who the boy was "Scott?" He practically shouted in confusion, "Scott it's me Alex, you remember don't you?" the look on the poor boys face said it all, he had no idea who Alex was, Scott shook his head slowly "I'm sorry but I've never seen you in my entire life…" Scott glanced at the professor, seeing if he had any idea what was going on. But was shocked to find him side by side with Magneto. They were both talking with two younger men. Glancing around, Scott realized that half the Mansion looked different, like how it was in the picture with the founders of the X-Men…wait a minute, "Um, what did you say your name was?" Scott asked, looking back at the blond boy, "Alex, Alex Summers. But a lot of people call me Havok." He stated, and Scott didn't know whether to hug him or run away, because the man that stood before him was his brother, but he was supposed to be dead.

"What's going on here?" Remy whispered to Jubilee as they watched what could only be described as mass hysteria commencing before their very eyes.

Jubilee just shook her head, "I have no clue, do you wanna go check up on John and Bobby? See if they know anything?" The Cajun shrugged his shoulders and started walking off to where the boy's dorms were. Upon opening the door they found John and Bobby talking in hushed tones, Bobby's hand resting casually on John's leg. John looked to be torn between crying and jumping for joy.

"Uh…what's going on here?" Jubilee asked, the two boys looked up, Bobby smiling as he spoke words that no one thought could ever be possible. "John's pregnant…" Jubilee laughed, "Quite pulling my leg guys, seriously what happened?" John and Bobby just looked at her as if she had just slapped them, "We /are/ serious, you remember that news report about five months ago where they said it was possible for guys ability's to mutate and they could reproduce? Well, John's one of those mutants who can do that…"

Without missing a beat Remy held out his hand in front of Jubilee, "I told you John was the taker, you owe me 20 bucks sis." Huffing a bit Jubilee begrudgingly took out two tens from her wallet, handing them over to Remy, "How the hell could you possibly be right?" She questioned, receiving a smug look from Remy, "They don't call me Gambit for nothing." John gapped at them, and then just outright glared, taking out his lighter he flicked it open in a threatening manner "You /bet/ on who was uke and semi in our relationship?" the tow just shrugged their shoulders, "We were bored." They responded in the same carefree manner. Strolling casually out of the room, leaving a very stunned Bobby Drake and a very mad St. John Allerdyce.

Casually strolling over to the part of the mansion that allowed you to look down at everyone passing by, Gambit in tow, Jubilee cupped her hands around her mouth in a makeshift amp, and proceeded to shout "Hey everyone! Johnny's prego and Bobby's the Daddy!" silence fell, but it only lasted for a brief moment before everyone else started noticing the strange new people and the fact that the mansion was split in two.

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A/N: I have more writen for this, but I'll only post it if people actually like this, or if I get bored...either of those are a possibility right now...although ever since I found these amazing prompt tables on LJ I have been writing a lot of shtuff lately, so don't judge people that I just wanted to be really weird for a while and decided to write this, anywho...I hope you all enjoyed this...somewhat at least, please RR and thank you for reading :D


	2. Chapter 2

"Would anyone care to explain why the Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are here?" Kurt asked to no one in particular.

"Yeah, hey aren't they Magneto's kids?" Kitty said, wondering out loud.

Erik and Charles heard the two strange teens talking and did a complete about face to see two teenagers standing in the hallway, Charles saw the resemblance that the girl had to Erik, the same brown hair and eyes, not to mention taste in clothes.

"So, I see we don't last long then…" Erik saw the sadness in Charles' eyes and quickly entwined their fingers, kissing the top of the younger man's head. "It would seem so, but I think many things that happened here aren't going to happen…I mean look at us, I plan on this lasting, hopefully for as long as we live." Erik whispered, calming Charles almost instantly.

Turning back to Professor X and Magneto, the Professor seems to know what they are going to ask, but Magneto beats him to it and answers in a very nonchalant tone, "We were after Shaw, got stuck on a beach, I killed Shaw, tried to make a new team, and…Moira started shooting at me while I sent the rockets back at the ships…long story short I curved a bullet (A/N: No this is /not/ "Wanted" although, damn was James McAvoy H-O-T SEXY in that.) and it hit Charles, paralyzing him instantly."

Erik shook his head, this was /not/ possible, "But, we already went up against Shaw…and Moira wasn't with us. I told Charles that if she was allowed aboard that I would throw her off the plane." Charles shook his head and mumbled something along the lines of 'My love, don't you think it would prove more productive if you were to start working on controlling your blatant anger issues.' To which Erik just thought at him with a resounding 'But then I wouldn't be /nearly/ as fun to be around.'

Magneto rolled his eyes and spoke up, "You know Erik…me…Erik, its sooo much more fun to be the bad one." Erik smirked, he sent along a message to Charles that said along the lines of 'if only he knew.' With a little snippet of a mental picture attached an image of some of their more…kinky sex acts. Well, what could he say Charles liked to be dominated. Professor X coughed and Charles started to blush profusely, apparently being the same person, he was able to read the younger man's thoughts without much effort. "Well I see some things never change." Magneto mumbled.

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"What's happening?" Pietro asked his sister as they walked around seeing all the people crowding around eachother and talking with one another, some people looked far younger than the people they claimed to be, dear lord what fresh hell is this, Pietro thought to himself, clearly his twin was thinking the same thing, except she was yanking on his sleeve and pointing at a little girl who was sitting on the steps reading 'Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star'. The girl had short green hair, with a sweet smile on her face.

"Hello, what's your name, sweetie?" Wanda asked, not like she didn't know who this young girl was, she was just a little…shocked to see her here, and like this no less…and plus, she was pretty sure she had seen Havok shacking up with a nerdy brunette kid with glasses in the hallway.

"Lorna Dane, and you are?" The young girl said, adding a question of her own. Wanda smiled, "I'm your sister…ok half-sister. At least where I come from." The look of wonder on the girls face turned to questioning as she racked Wanda with a critical stare. "Aren't you a little old?" exclaimed Lorna. Pietro laughed as his sister looked as if she had just been slapped across the face, "You know I'm not /that/ old! I'm only 17." Pouting she crossed her arms huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf itself, she stormed off in the opposite direction.

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Pietro had gone off to explore the upstairs a bit, he could tell exactly where the mansion had split, and spent a while jumping back and forth in-between the intersecting universes, childish right? Well, he was bored. "Hey babe, what's going on?" Lance said as he snaked his arms around Pietro's waist, pulling the teen closer to him, with no protests of course.

"I have no clue, everyone's gone crazy that's what, and almost all the past and present are uniting…strange." Lance chuckled and then got fun idea, "Hey, you know there isn't anyone upstairs right now so…"

Pietro cut his boyfriend off with a kiss, knowing what he was going to say, and instead not wanting to say 'no' outright, "I'm sorry but we are /not/ doing that." Public sex was not something that the silver haired boy found to be a good pastime, instead he quickly dragged his boyfriend off to an empty broom closet, kicking the door open…why were all these watering cans in here? It was a /broom/ closet, weird….anyways, after kicking open the door, very dramatically, he pushed Lance in before joining him and slamming the door closed again.

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"Um, excuse me but do you know if there are any watering cans?" Sean asked the brunette girl who was reading a book in one of the many chairs aimlessly scattered around the place. The girl looked up briefly and pointed down the hall to a broom closet, "Should be in there."

Sean nodded in thanks bounding over to the closet, the teen was very happy, to say the least, that his 'plants' had made it, when the mansion combined with a future version, Sean's balcony had remained untouched. Now he just needed to water them a bit. Opening up the closet, it only took seconds for him to realize that he hadn't heard the moans escaping from the closet's vent, "Pietro! Lance? Fuck! My eyes!" slamming the door Sean ran down the hall shouting "THE BLEACH! WHERE'S THE BLEACH? I need to wash out my BRAIN!"

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"Your turn." Charles mumbled, voice slightly muffled due to his chin resting on his propped up and folded hands, not taking his eyes off the chess board for one moment. Erik looked at Charles from across the room seeing the younger man completely obsessed with winning a game of chess against himself. "You know, you're ruining a lot of chances at dominating the world and creating a world where mutants are supreme." Magneto casually stated, to which Erik just shook his head "Charles is worth it to me, nothing will ever change that. Besides, Magneto? Really? /That's the name you came up with?" the elder man just looked at him with an 'are you an idiot' stare, "Ok, I know Raven suggested it, but really? Why?" Magneto smiled, "Because in this universe I'm not gay."

Wow, future Erik was a dick.

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A/N: Ok, well here's the second chappie, and there will be more some time soon.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ok, so in case you all didn't know, I have my settings so that anyone can review, even if you don't have an account. So please do, and enjoy the story :3

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"Remind me again why we're here?" Clint asked to no one in particular. "Because we can be." Came the response from Natasha, Bruce, Steve, Tony, and Thor; following closely behind them trailed Nathan, William, Theodor, Jonas, Thomas, Cassandra, Kate, and Elijah.

"Remember, the Director wanted us to make sure the institute knew who was replacing us." Cap said as they all strode over to the slightly ajar doors leading into the institute. Stepping inside and seeing the mass chaos that was currently reigning over the school, they realized they had picked the wrong day to come to the Xavier institute.

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"Rictor, who are those people over there?" Gaveedra asked the tall brunette next to him, "Young Avengers by the looks of it. After they disbanded they did sort of say they were going to train the replacement team, because after seeing them in action they decided that even though they were against it, to help them out a bit." Rictor said, going over to great the newcomers, very unlike him.

"Hello?" The Cap said as the two approached. "We're looking for the Professor." Rictor laughed as the Captain asked that, "Please excuse him," Star cut in "The Professor is speaking with himself currently." Rictor shook his head, "He doesn't mean that in a 'he's crazy' way, but in a 'no joke seriously' way, he really is speaking with past version of himself…past present…I really don't know anymore." Steve nodded, "So, now's a bad time then?" this time Star joined Rictor in his laughing fit. "No, no; its great just come on in; there are a lot of people here that I'm sure you'd love to meet."

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"So…lemmie get this straight…in the future Stryker sews my mouth shut?" Wade asked Logan, as they sat across from eachother, both with a beer in one hand.

"That's all you clued into? Your mouth is sewn shut? Not maybe, how you get turned into the perfect weapon and try and kill everything…mainly me." Wade thought for a brief moment, "Yeah sure that's important too…I guess…But /really/ my mouth? Why? It's my most redeeming quality." He grinned that goofy ass grin that only Wade could produce.

"Do I at least get a cool nickname? You know like…Captain Sexy or sumthin?" Wolverine sighed, at this point he was beginning to A) Understand why Stryker had sewn Wade's mouth closed, and B) Had started preferring Deadpool to Wade. "Pain in the ass?" He mumbled, Wade just laughed, "Hahah very funny /Wolverine/ you know what I mean." Logan looked up, "The Deadpool, but some call you the Merc with a Mouth, and somehow you were able to take the stiches out. Fucking unbelievable really." Wade smiled, seemingly rocking back and forth in his chair, giddy with excitement. "Score!"

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A/N: Sorry this one was so short, I apologize very much and hope to have the next chapter up by tomorrow, if there are any questions regarding who some of the characters are, then please don't be afraid to PM me, and I will get back to you as soon as possible at Flash speed.


	4. Chapter 4

"So you guys are…"

"Yeah we are." Teddy said, cheeks taking on a light dusting of pink to the unexpected question. He and Billy had been held back from the rest of the group by the two men that had invited them in while the others had run of in different directions, Thor shouting "We must locate the one they call the Professor." And Steve just shouting orders, before making random ass had gestures in what could only be perceived as you fall out that way, I'll go this way.

"Just making sure, I figured you guys wouldn't get together for a while…" the brunette man said, Billy spoke up then, "Well we really haven't done the whole 'public exposure' thing yet." Teddy nodded and Rictor and Star couldn't help but smile at the cute couple before them. "But, they're making me change my name…I really liked the Asgardian…I mean what kind of name is Wiccan anyways?" Teddy laughed, "Aw, I think it's cute."

"Believe me; thinking everything about your partner is 'cute' will wear off pretty soon." Star said casting a meaningful look at Rictor, seeing the frown on his face he continued on, "But, then you'll just want to be with them because of how amazing they are." Star finished, smiling up at Rictor. "Nice recovery, he who wanted an open relationship." Gaveedra jabbed him in the ribs, "How long are you going to hold that over me?" Rictor smiled, "Forever."

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"So, how are you doing?" Wade asked the man in front of him, after he had spoken with Logan he had decided that he should go and find this 'Deadpool' person…yeah it had turned out to be a very tiring task, but he had finally managed to locate him…literally him.

"The weathers great today, wouldn't you say? Oh…never mind touchy subject." Wade could tell he was getting on Deadpools nerves, but he continued onwards. After 30 minutes of talking his ear off, Wade noticed the frown forming on Deadpools face, and the anger in his eyes. Almost like fire really.

"Ohhh looks like /someone's/ getting angry, oh don't tell me, you're like Bruce right? 'You won't like him when he's angry'." Wade could tell he was beginning to annoy himself, but it was really really funny, that is…until two Katana suddenly extended from Deadpools hands, it was then that Wade decided to shut up and walk briskly away. Smart boy.

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A/N: I apologize fr the shortness of this one, but I promise the next one will be longer! :D I do hope you all have been enjoying this pointless story.


	5. Chapter 5

"Sean…what are you doing?" Darwin asked as he passed by the younger teens bedroom, the door was open and it showed Sean, siting on his bed for once not bouncing up and down and running around trying to glue people to chairs or get people to try his 'special cigarettes'.

"Look, there's a crack in my wall…" Sean said, starry eyed as he pointed to the wall in front of him, where sure enough there was a crack spanning the length of it. Albeit a very faint crack.

"That's nice…but why are you staring at it? It's just a crack." Darwin was starting to be very worried for his friend, maybe this was the result of a bad trip or something. Poor Sean, he really needed some help.

"It's not really a crack." Sean said, his voice taking on a strange lilt. Darwin nodded his head, there was no way he could adapt to /this/, he really could only take so much crazy before he needed to run away screaming 'why am I the only calm one?' into the distance.

"Then what is it?" Sean took several moments to pry his bloodshot eyes away from the wall and the crack that wasn't a crack to answer his friend, "It's a crack," Darwin really needed to find some new friends. Sean continued, "But the crack isn't in the wall, if you break down the wall the crack will stay right where it is because the crack is really two pieces of time and space that should never have touched, that pressed together."

Darwin nodded as if he really did understand what Sean was saying, "Riiight. Well I just have one thing to sy, you've been watching too much Doctor Who, now it's affecting your brain and now I have to call the Doctor to have him check up on you."

Sean nodded, still in a daze as he turned back to gaze in wonder at the crack that wasn't a crack. "As long as it's not Eccleston that guys a dick to Mickey." Darwin nodded as he walked out of the room, really what was wrong with everyone?

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A/N: haha ok here's the next chapter, I'm sorry their so short, but I thought of this idea today when I was having breakfast, who knew eating cinnamon swirl french toast at Black Bear dinner could be such an awesome inspiration? Haha hope you all enjoyed this one. Thank you for reading!


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